The “Study” in “Study Abroad”

Everyone who’s ever been abroad always warns newcomers about the “study abroad slump.” (I’m not entirely sure if everyone calls it this specific three-word phrase, but for sake of consistency, let’s pretend it’s called exactly this by everyone ever.) People who study abroad claim it creeps in after you get adjusted—attributing this sour sense-of-self to a slowed pace after getting adjusted from the constant high energy and “go-go” you feel while initially orienting yourself in a new location. This happens after your classes have started picking up and there’s less attention focused on the new experiences you’re having. I think phenomenon takes place around the third or fourth weeks, or at least it has for me. It’s my fourth week here, and it’s hit me hard. I’m constantly trying to drink liters and liters of water (as if that will suddenly combat my lack of energy), and forcing myself to stay in on nights when everyone’s going out because I’m positive I’m dying of exhaustion and need to catch up on sleep. But, after some reflection, and an email from my mom (see below), I’m sure two things have attributed to my constant craving of quiet and sleep lately: the weather and the stress of school.

Weather: 

This morning my mother alerted me (via extensive email) that I should be taking a calcium and vitamin D supplement because of the lack of sunlight here. I honestly thought I was slowly dying because my energy levels have been so low, despite the fact that I’ve been working out (in the rain…because it continually starts to rain, with no warning from weather apps, when I’m 5 minutes into my runs.) In fact, I’m definitely deficient in calcium and vitamin D—which I’ve already purchased since receiving this email—due to the lack of sunlight here. And maybe these deficiencies are why this “study abroad slump” has been so hard on me.

I spent the majority of my summer in the bright states of Florida and California, with a few days in sunny Dallas scattered about. I’m used to the sun and going outside in a forceful sweat because of the heat. In Edinburgh, it’s dark and freezing. The sun sets way earlier than I’m used to (and is continually getting earlier by the week), and the weather is getting worse every few days. So, I think I’ve solved the reason for my lack of energy levels these past few weeks. Maybe it has nothing to do with a “study abroad slump” per se, but it’s definitely put a weight on my shoulders and added to the stress of it all, I’m sure of it.

Stress of School:

The second thing that’s added to this slump of sorts is the actual studying. A few weeks ago, I discovered that most of my friends who are studying abroad aren’t doing it through “real” universities. I’m putting quotes around ‘real’ because they aren’t fake. They still have professors, and the universities they’re attending are typically an extension of another university (typically American, in the case of many of my friends.) But the workload is much less (based on those I’ve spoken with), because the programs are focused on the “abroad” portion of “study abroad.” These programs consist of, mainly American, students who are looking to expand their horizons through immersing themselves in many different cultures. The professors take their students on excursions, and travel all around different countries. These programs are focused on getting the kids to travel. And, if you can’t tell, I’m extremely jealous of these programs. The reason these programs are like this (Note: They aren’t all) is because they’re in countries that don’t speak English (and taking all 3 or 4 of your classes abroad in a new language would be impossible to expect any of these students to do.)

“But, Bronwyn. Isn’t your program like this too?” You might be asking yourself.

As a matter of fact, not in the slightest. The University of Edinburgh is home to some of the sharpest students from all across the world, and everyone speaks English (even the Erasmus students, though they do have accents.) It’s a wonderful university that is repeatedly ranked amongst the top twenty in the world, and has been home to some of the world’s most intelligent scholars since it began in 1583. (Seriously, look it up!) And I’m essentially bragging about this because I’m basically a babbling idiot, and you can figure out for yourself how I probably rank in comparison to most of these students.

While I’m still shocked that I even got in to this school, I’m more in cultural shock by the workload and expectations. I’ve already mentioned how many study abroad programs are focused on the “abroad” part of “study abroad,” I’d like to point out that my program is focused on the “study.” But with a hands-off approach.

Universities outside of America expect much more of you than they do in the United States. First off, you’re supposed to be doing the readings for classes on your own, and you don’t have anyone to test you on them, or to make them more clear—aside from your midterms and essays. Additionally, you’re supposed to start on your final essays immediately…truly, as soon as possible. I don’t know if it’s the American school system that’s made me a procrastinator, or the fact that there’s always so much going on that I have learned to take each class one bit at a time, but it’s hard for me to think about writing my final essays now—especially when I’m so new to the topics I’m studying (I feel I don’t know enough about the creation of Islam or Celtic Civilisation to start reading up on my own about them!)

The only sources of check-ups are through tutorials. Two of my classes have “tutorials.” These aren’t the same as office-hours in America. Instead, these are mandatory meetings with 5-15 students in your class and a teacher (who is usually studying to get their PhD on the topic.) The tutorials are discussion based and you have assignments due in them (like readings and short essays), and they’re a time to grow more familiar on the specific topics discussed in class, but without discussing anything truly talked about in the lectures (so it seems to me.) These tutorials are helpful, but take away from the bigger assignments in the class—essays worth 40% of the final grade and the finals worth 60%—that you’re supposed to be focused on for the entirety of the class. Additionally, there’s a gap I’m noticing between the lectures, readings, and tutorials which is supposed to probably be filled by intellectual thought, of which I’m apparently unable in two of my classes (Islam and Celtic Civilisation…help.)

I don’t even know if I’m properly putting this all into terms that make sense, but I’m stressed. I’m stressed because it’s week 4 and I have essay proposals due, and midterms coming up, and other assignments that the teachers vaguely brought up during the first day of class and have altogether avoided to discuss since. I’m expected to constantly know what’s happening before it happens, and even though I constantly to-do make lists, I’m losing my mind.

I’m tired. I feel like I’m constantly on the verge of getting ill. I’m frustrated. And I’m sad. I didn’t even go outside yesterday until 7pm (to buy much needed groceries.) I’m expected to be planning trips and figuring out itineraries for places I’ve never been.(because you can’t do that when you get there, or you’ll only see your hotel room when you visit.) I’m broke, and I feel like I’m not going to get to go everywhere I should while I’m here (i.e. Italy.) And on top of all of these emotions about my own wellbeing and stressful travel plans, I’m expected to be acing my classes. Classes that full-time students are also struggling in. It’s so hard that I constantly feel like I can’t just sit and relax. I always feel on-edge, and I think the people around me are starting to notice how irritable I’ve become. And honestly, I just think the lack of sunlight has made it worse on me altogether.

And I’m stopping myself here because I’m about to burst into tears just thinking about all of the other stressors in my life currently. Instead, let’s look at this picture of a beach in Edinburgh.

It only cost £3.20 (there and back) to get to Portobello Beach by ~25 minute bus-ride. I went on Saturday.

I guess I should step back and acknowledge some of the things I have to look forward to so you don’t actually feel bad for me, because that’s not the point of this blog (But then again, what is the point of this blog? I’m getting away from my point.):

I am going to the Isle of Skye, Dublin, Paris, Copenhagen, St. Andrews, and London eventually. I’ve already booked all of these trips and have (finally) figured out hostels/hotels, and I’m good to go. I have these weekend trips to look forward to…I just hope I don’t fail my classes in the meantime because the reason I’m here, again, is because of the “study” in “study abroad,” not the “abroad.”

To end this kind of random rant of anger and sadness, I’d like to share my final words on this “study abroad slump.” I think everyone has a moment like this when they’re abroad—a realization that they’re not going to be able to see all of the countries they want to see and their schoolwork catches up with them. And it’s hard. But hey, in the words of the Hannah Montana Movie, “life’s a climb but the view is great.” See you next week, when I’ll hopefully have a more positive blog post to share.